...No. I am not pregnant. Cue despair.
I know it was preposterous to expect getting pregnant at first try after surgery - but I've been known to get pregnant at first try before (keeping pregnancy was another matter). And now I can't help but wonder what if I would not be able to get pregnant at all anymore; what if my ovaries stopped producing eggs altogether; what if the surgery robbed me of my last chance. This cycle felt different all right; I had nowhere as much cervical mucus as I had before, and this worries me.
Sometimes I understand teenage girls who engage in cutting and other self-mutilating activities. The hatred I feel towards my body at times like this... it has to go somewhere. It's scary and it's intense.
I know it was preposterous to expect getting pregnant at first try after surgery - but I've been known to get pregnant at first try before (keeping pregnancy was another matter). And now I can't help but wonder what if I would not be able to get pregnant at all anymore; what if my ovaries stopped producing eggs altogether; what if the surgery robbed me of my last chance. This cycle felt different all right; I had nowhere as much cervical mucus as I had before, and this worries me.
Sometimes I understand teenage girls who engage in cutting and other self-mutilating activities. The hatred I feel towards my body at times like this... it has to go somewhere. It's scary and it's intense.
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