Immunology testing and other stuff

So I did the tests recommended by Dr. C. His clinic is huge, fancy, and totally faceless. I did not like it one bit, despite chocolates with his logo and fancy teas. The girl who was taking my blood samples had shaking hands, and looked decidedly uncomfortable and completely inefficient. Anyway, the results are in, and - surprise - my immunology results are totally normal. No elevated Natural Killer cells, nothing. The accompanying note said that based on these results, Dr. C recommends IVF. No surprise here: that's what they were pushing from the very beginning.
Now, yesterday we received a thick envelope with the financial information from this clinic. I went through it with a growing sense of dread and helplessness. There is NO WAY we could afford this. Just no way. Even if we felt comfortable enough with the idea of pumping me with drugs and risking another cyst or the same darling endometrioma growing... I don't know what to do now, I just don't.
I also started this "no gluten no dairy" regimen on Monday, and by today's evening, I felt thoroughly miserable. And hungry. What do these people on Paleo diet even eat? I cannot eat that much rice, I despise quinoa, I am not a huge meat-eater, I looove cheese and bread with everything basically. I don't feel full without it. So I caved in and ate some leftover pasta, with Parmesan to boot. I know you are not supposed to use food for comfort and solace, but what have I left? The atmosphere in our house is not a happy one currently.

Phone consultation

Our free phone consultation with the new doctor, let's call him Dr C, was rescheduled and took place today. He asked few questions, some of which I have already answered in their clinic questionnaire. He seems to think that the best way to go would be an aggressive stimulation IVF with immunology prep beforehand. He does not do natural IVF since he doesn't think the efforts required are justifiable with too low success rate.
He suggested that I cut out dairy (yogurt is thankfully okay), gluten (and I'd just had pasta for lunch), and alcohol completely (and he calls it a life). He also recommends to up the daily dose of CoQ10, Vitamin D, and to add Omega-3 and prenatals (I can't even describe how much I hate taking prenatals while not being pregnant). He also wants me to do blood tests for NK cells, cytokines and antiphosphilipid panel. He does not believe that my husband needs to do a Sperm Chromatine Structure Assay for his low (2%) morphology, as it was recommended by my second Dr (let's call him Dr J). He was quite adamant on this issue (but again, so was Dr J).
So, we're off for the tests on Monday. Depending on the results, we'll see whether we need IVF or we could treat immune issues and try naturally. Frankly, cards are stacked against us on all counts. We're dealing with female issues, male issues, immune issues, and we would probably have no money for IVF. And even if we had, having this endometrioma as an after-effect of Femara, I don't know if I want to risk anything like this happening again.

No good news

So yes, the endometrioma is back, possibly gotten a push from Letrozole, and is just slightly smaller than it was before the surgery in February. Not only that, but my CA-125 is higher than it was before the surgery. I am not back to square one, I am back to ground zero. I just cannot win. Such a neat double whammy: no pregnancy, but a bunch of potentially dangerous cysts, that threaten the whole possibility of me ever getting pregnant again.

I realize that all this time, I've been waiting for a miracle. Like you know, deus ex machina, light saving the darkest hour, this kind of thing. But apparently the miracles do not apply to us anymore. We had our miracle 6 years ago, only we did not understand just how great and singular it was.

And of course I am angry. At the surgeon - did she do her job well? At Dr who prescribed Letrozole - how could he not take into account my history, being told about it repeatedly? He said "you're in a good place right now", and then proceeded to put me in a much shittier place. At myself - if I wasn't so impatient, I would not have taken Letrozole, and maybe I'd have had another shot at miracle. At my body, which is failing me again and again.